Since long, I have often wondered who is 'I'. Thats not wrong grammar but something unknown. When I say 'I' who am I refering to. Is it my body, my mind, my heart or something else. One of my private tutors insisted me on giving a thought to this. The phrase "good at heart" made me to think that it was my heart. But when i started replacing 'My heart' by 'I', I was not sure; nither was I sure with other two options. Body can never be that 'I'; its just some form of matter. I was more inclined to settling for my mind as an option but however it was not working as well. Everything just felt too materialistic and biological; after all mind, heart are just the spare parts that make human body work. None was fitting.
I started looking for various options like my veins, stomach, neck, etc. But none seemed to be at a level same as this awareness of 'I'. I never came to know where is the awareness of 'I' within me come from. I was thinking of soul as another option but being too scientific and logical my mind didnt allow me to select that as an option.
Then I came across another theory which goes as follows:
Think of you as playing some character within some dream. Everything happening around is part of this dream and then try to figure out in whose dream are u playing a role. Maan..!!! This seemed too complicated for me to give it a thought. However after inital reluctance when i thought about it, it seemed very relaxing. Well when u know everything is a dream then u take things quite lightly. But dreams are not meant to be real and this was real. Finally, as impatient as I am I stopped thinking. But this thing keeps hitting my mind often.
Though I couldnt find the answer to my question, i understood various other aspects. I found out that outer appearance is merely a wall between inner and the actual world. I still think about it i.e. sometimes when my hectic course work and projects allow me to. But there is an awareness which I was definite about.
Its kinda funny to know that this post contains around 35-40 references to words like 'I', 'me','my' but right now they mean nothing more then parts of speech. Some day I hope I get beyond this Grammar.
I started looking for various options like my veins, stomach, neck, etc. But none seemed to be at a level same as this awareness of 'I'. I never came to know where is the awareness of 'I' within me come from. I was thinking of soul as another option but being too scientific and logical my mind didnt allow me to select that as an option.
Then I came across another theory which goes as follows:
Think of you as playing some character within some dream. Everything happening around is part of this dream and then try to figure out in whose dream are u playing a role. Maan..!!! This seemed too complicated for me to give it a thought. However after inital reluctance when i thought about it, it seemed very relaxing. Well when u know everything is a dream then u take things quite lightly. But dreams are not meant to be real and this was real. Finally, as impatient as I am I stopped thinking. But this thing keeps hitting my mind often.
Though I couldnt find the answer to my question, i understood various other aspects. I found out that outer appearance is merely a wall between inner and the actual world. I still think about it i.e. sometimes when my hectic course work and projects allow me to. But there is an awareness which I was definite about.
Its kinda funny to know that this post contains around 35-40 references to words like 'I', 'me','my' but right now they mean nothing more then parts of speech. Some day I hope I get beyond this Grammar.
